So here's the situation. I've been spending months coming up with different ideas and sketches for a tattoo I'm hoping to get. I know where I want to get it and I know how big I want it to be but I still can't settle on anything. There's so much you can do with a half sleeve covering the fore arm. I love the ideal of utilizing the space, the fact that it wraps around the arm and allows for the illusion of a complete piece on first sight but that it can continue to wrap around an allow you to discover more. I guess people are like that sometimes. At first sight they appear to be one thing but then you turn them around and find so much more to them. It's a novelty idea I suppose, something that makes us feel better about ourselves. I digress.
The intended topic of this post is my tattoo design. Nothing I do feels right, it's my first tattoo, it's a tattoo I want everyone to see and I want everyone to get a sense who I might be based on that initial contact with the piece. The instinct creates a direct issue however, this requires that the image present something important to me. Some intense sense of personal relevance should resonate from the visual, passionate, strong, but not too overbearing artwork. I guess it's my age but so many of the things I felt passionate about has faded in my experience. I'm 22, nearly 23 and although I am young and have so.. so much more to experience but some piece of my soul feels weathered, as though it's been tempered in the remains of a life so intense that it remains shaded from my memory. I've left so much of my life behind, I find myself looking forward to who I will be, not who I am now. What I wish to display to others is not myself, but the idea of what I may become. Potential, if I could sum it all up in a word (Which let's face it, if that were possible I wouldn't be writing this stupid thing). Pictures are worth a thousand words and yet... a thousand words never quite feel adequate.
I'm writing this to word vomit, to throw ideals in the form of words on a screen so, perhaps, it will reveal to me what I want displayed on my flesh for the rest of my life. What am I? The question that haunts me as I lay awake, too sick to hang out with friends, too restless to let these thoughts fade away as I drift to another dream world. Am I happy? Dark? Mysterious? Funny? Am I ruggedly hansom inwardly
or is there some sort of sickness I spend a life time trying to keep at bay? Am I a man? OR does a child inhabit this massive shell? Does it even matter? I wondered that and the immediate answer that came to mind was "It must be... it won't let me sleep..." The most important thing in life I find are the things that won't let you sleep soundly.
All these questions to be depicted in images. The quest of mad men and women everywhere, us artists. I suppose I am all of those things, including a mad man heh. Hmmm... maybe I'll read this again later and it will come to me, and this post will not have been for not